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I'm excited today. When I see a friend of mine I'm getting another disc of old cartoons and a music cd I asked him to burn for me. Other than that I'm not really excited haha. Yesterday I was kind of on edge all day. Felt like something awesome was going to happen, but it never did haha. I was...I can't really explain it. Kind of an excited tense all day. Although a couple of friends decided that I looked angsty yesterday. I was just thinking a lot and when I'm not paying attention I forget to smile. I don't think I look angsty...just not happy haha. Ah I have to go email people. I'll find something interesting to talk about later =] Loves
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I haven't posted in a while and I'm trying to be semi-regular about keeping this up to date..it just doesn't always seem to work out that way. I think the worst thing about this post is that it's completely pointless besides informing you of my haircut and I'm writing this in an effort to not write a paper for my speech class.
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oh man, so I was talking to this girl today during my break between classes..I hang out in the cafeteria with all the geeks...Totally not my first choice of a place to hang out in but whatever, it's becoming worth it haha. Anyway back to my original thought..so I'm talking to this girl and I find out that she likes the same guy I like. Thinking back I realize most girls would have gotten all catty about it "I saw him first" and whatnot, but she and I just start texting eachother all this stuff even though we're sitting basically right next to eachother at the table. So she and I are texting *and I don't even have a phone, I grabbed my friend's phone to talk about him* and we got into some kinda raunchy stuff. It was hilarious. Every once in a while we say something out loud but it's like a fragment of the original statement and we start busting up laughing again. Mm delicious I've enjoyed my day =]
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I'm slowly going insane due to several different things going on in my life right now. One I want to do but not sure if I can and others that's I'm just not going to do haha. It's all very complex and writing it out on here would probably just mess it up more in my head and confuse anyone who stumbles on to my LJ. This post did absolutely nothing to help me. I need someone that I can talk to about this but that would lead to people knowing more about me personally and that's when I get hurt. This sucks.
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Okay so I know I haven't written in this in a while..I've been woefully incapable of keeping any semblance of a schedule in posting on poor poor LJ. But I thought I'd post tonight since I've been thinking about my journal for about a week now haha. I'm in school,and I'm enjoying that a lot more than I thought I would. I like this guy that I hang out with during my break between classes, but I'm not sure what he's thinking so I haven't gotten very far with that yet. I figure I have some time to figure him out though. And now that I think about it I've already covered most of this except for the guy I like but since apparently everyone has a LiveJournal anymore I'm finding it prudent to not give out too many details in case someone I know comes across this anytime this semester. I think this might be his last semester at Butte which is gonna suck but that also means that once he's gone it won't matter as much if he sees or if someone tells him b/c he will either know already (hopefully something good would come from that) or he'll just be gone and I'll be disappointed that I was too shy to confirm my feelings for him. Well now that I've made myself feel slightly crappy about that I think I'll go check my email and all that fun stuff So till next time, Liz
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I really have nothing new to add today...Just had my math class and I'm sitting in the library finishing off my homework. I have Speech today in like...ten years so that'll be fun. I'm talking to new people so be proud of me and my anit anit-social ways...I have to remember to drop off my financial aid paperwork at the office later *I should have done that before coming here but whatever*. I've "met" a guy from my speech class through Sherice and he seems pretty cool. and I flirted with one of the student aid peoples in here so that was fun. I don't know..this is a completely inane entry and most people would apologize for being this...well dumb but I don't really apologize and I doubt anyone really reads this. So I'm going to finish my homework.. Later
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Wow this sucks. I got this big urge to post something on here. Then I get all signed on and everything and I've basically lost everything I wanted to post. HAHA I just amused myself greatly "I'm sure it happens to everyone" It's fun inside my mind. Anyways, I adore music btw. Right now I'm addicted to Sexual Powertrip (One Big Lie) and What If We Could by Blue October, Vermilion part 1 by Slipknot, Flavor of the Week by..i'm not really sure and don't feel like checking but I want to say FM Static, and several other songs.....including Everything You Want, Bent, So I Fall Again, Deep Inside of You and horribly enough Scotty Doesn't Know haha Oh jeeze talking about musical talent... I have this friend who has an incredible voice and plays I don't even know how many instruments but at least guitar and drums. But anyway, so he's totally amazing and totally down on himself "no one wants me" blah blah which totally kills me because there's no way on this earth that no one would want someone so awesome. And what kills me even more is I want him but i'm not in the same state as he is and I won't be until my general ed is done here. He says he might leave and go back to Canada which is where he's from but I don't want to lose him. I also can't ask him to wait for 3 years for me because I have no idea how he and I would work out and that wouldn't be fair to him Haha so much for not having anything to post..I'm going to "brood" now
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Okay so I know I was all Eff this about school yesterday but I'm so enjoying myself now...My math teacher that I have to see at the crack of dawn almost every day is cool and I actually enjoy class with Sherice. Today we were talking about celebs being crazy and about Heath Ledger dying..Which i'm still in denial about b/c that's just so not allowed ever. I heard in class that apparently his friends say it's not a surprise to those who knew him....to me he's another worthy person I can no longer interact with. When you look back over the years you see there are so many interesting people you'd love to know. At least I know I do. And I've totally gotten off the subject of me enjoying school but whatever, I'm on a roll so go with it. I mean personally I'd love to have gotten a chance to hang out with Heath, or Kurt Cobain for that matter. There are so many people who have taken their own lives without even realizing how much they mean to people. Usually I'm like "killing yourself is so stupid blah blah blah" These people think they have it so hard and that they can't go on, but what about everyone else who's still here once they're gone. How do they think WE feel about them being so selfish or unaware of their meaning. To anyone who reads this, and to myself, think of people that you'd love to get to know. I don't mean "omg i'd totally love to do Johnny Depp" kind of get to know, I mean like having real conversations. Getting to know this person and understanding how they think and what they think. Now pretend that their dead and you'll never get that chance. Sucks doesn't it? Think of all the potential memories you could have shared with them, all the good they could of done, all the people they could have influenced in a different way besides saying they couldn't hack it and taking the easy way out. Wouldn't you be disappointed in them? These people could have done so much with their lives. Hell, they WERE doing something with their lives, and they threw it away like it was nothing, like they were nothing. I'm so done with this for now... |
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Okay, I know I'm so not the best at updating this regularly but I have a feeling I'm going to be updating more often because of... So it's my first day of college and I only have two classes today. My first class is Math 124, which is itself is a drag since I dislike math in all it's horrible forms. I also dislike this class greatly because it is at 7:45 AM and I'm in no way a morning person. My second class for today is Psychology 6 or 8 or something like that...which is great. I love psych and want to be a profiler but this class is at 12:30 which means I have a lifetime between both classes..And since I'm not really a social person that means I'm basically banished to the library to..well update my LiveJournal since MySpace is blocked here and I can't seem to find an anonymizer that will actually let me use all the links on MySpace. I wicked lied earlier, today is not my first day of college. When I was homeschooled I went to this college, and I liked the college experience so much more as a minor. I was 14 being hit on be all these wicked hot college guys. I think my favourite story from that year is when my Starburst got stuck in the vending machine. I walked over to this group of guys to ask if they could help me, since the was like the only dollar i had that day and there's no way I was gonna get fucked out of it. All of a sudden there are 10 really hot really strong guys tipping the machine for me...they practically laid that bitch straight out on the ground. Yes it pays to be wicked cute in college. Of course now it totally sucks because I recognize all these people from my past..There's people I haven't seen since elementary school and people I graduated with last year. Which for me sucks..I know all these people. I may not have been all buddy buddy with them or whatever but I observe, I know these people are irritating and, if I'm unfortunate enough, I know HOW they are irritating. In short, my life sucks. So, because of my predicament, I predict *and yes to my poor poor mind that's amusing right now* that you will be seeing much more of me dear LiveJournal. I'm outie 5000 *gags and dies from inane farewell*
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You ..... are a can of trash
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today i took a boat tour (among doing a million other things) and the tour guide guy had me and this girl i was with sit up front with me and he flirted with me whenever he wasn't speaking 5 different languages. asking me if i was a student and where i'm from. after he said some funny thing about this brewery we passed on the tour ("all the water for the beer comes from the canal...only for export though" haha) he asked if i drank beer and i said no and so he asked about wine and i told him i'm more of a hard liquour kind of girl saying whiskey rum etc and so he asked if i wanted to drink whiskey with him tonight! i was like "haha i'm sorry but i'll be in Brussels till late" this guy had to be at least in his 40's. we had passed under this one bridge that barely was above the boat and he said that bridge was the reason his hair was gone on top haha. i had the girl i was with get a picture of him b/c my batteries had died by then. it was friggen hilarious. then why i was still telling Eleanor *the girl i was with* what the guy had been saying we walked up into this hallway and this Muskateer comes out telling me i have a great voice and should be on the radio right before he kisses my hand. then he tried to sell me a really bad picture of me with a map of Brugge/ calendar attached. haha my hand was kissed by a Muskateer named Ernie
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Well I'm officially getting ready to see fifteen millio places in Europe for about 2 weeks. I'm visiting Brussels(Brugge, Ostende), Amsterdam(Rotterdam and a couple others), Berlin, Augsburg and then I'm on my way back to France to see Paris. After that I'm going to Bordeaux and then down to Barcelona. Most of this, expcept for Paris, Bordeaux and Barcelona, I'll be with my grandpa which means I'm basically responsible for everything except his luggage. I'm thinking about ditching him every once in a while "Oh grandpa you're tired. give me a room key and I'll meet you in two hours" haha. *sigh* Anyway, I've been thinking about a bunch of movies I want to see again when I get into the States haha. It's pretty much Dirty Deeds, The Scarlet Pimpernel * Anthony Andrews and Jane Seymour* and Mr and Mrs Smith haha. I also wanna see Gone In 60 Seconds again but I've been saying that since the last time I saw it which was forever ago. Let's see..movies and parenting my grandpa in foreign countries..yup that's all I had to say I think. =) Ciao
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okay so i've been remembering my dreams lately which is so beyond weird because the last dream i remeber remembering *haha* is from when i was like 5 but w/e in the last two days i've dreamt I was at a football game and last night i dreamt I came home and had to be in a show. Both dreams are weird in their own special way haha 1st dream I somehow get invited to a football game. it wasn't highschool/college football but it wasn't pro either. somehow me and my best friend *although i'm not quite sure who that was in my dream* get invited to sit practically on the field next to the goal post and there's like two rows of geeks in front of us. like guys from The Office on tv. so we're watching the game and it's like halftime although we had only seen one quarter and all the players and like parachuting/ windsurfing around the stadium and one o fthe geeks in the front row stands up and shouts "unnotable!!" which is still funny when i thinkn about it but yeah and then when all the players land this chick comes running up to our siting area throwing these candy stick things and running away from us so we'd chase her and the whole time she's shouting "jump me girls! jump me!" so of course me and my friend run after her long after everyone else has stopped and we tackle her and proceed to beat the crap out of her for the last to candy things in her bag. after that we leave and i think im the one who said "i can't believe our team won!" and my friend is like "but they only played one quarter!" and we both laughed and kept walking and i woke up. wtf haha in the dream from last night I came home from Europe and for some reason stepped off the plane straight into the gym where my dance studio is and was told the show as starting and i need to get downstairs. the stage was downstairs where there used to be karate classes and the stage was a bunch of black trampolines put together. my luggage turned out to be all my cstmes and shoes but for every costume I was missing something so i couldn't actually take part in that dance. so i'm walking around the rest of the gym trying to stay out of sight of my dance teacher b/c she'd eat your soul if you weren't doing what you're supposed to be doing *real life too haha* and so for the last dance in the show this girl Sherice who used to be my best friend helps find all the pieces i need for the costume so i can perform too. so i change really fast and get on stage and there's like 10 chairs spread out over the trampolines and they're filled except for mine which is basicaly center stage. what's weird about having trampolines for a stage * besides the obvious reasons* is that the dance we're doing is a tap dance and we're doing a dance to Harrod's song from Jesus Christ Superstar which i doubt many people have seen but it's great. but anyways we finish the dance and i'm in the God complex pose and the shows over then I wake up. the thing i disliked most about that dream is i had Harrod's song stuck in my head for a good couple hours and i only remember bits and pieces of it so anyways i've decided that the reason i usually don't remember my dreams is b/c they're far too weird to remember and keep my sanity if these two dreams are anything to go by. although I still find the "unnotable!" and " jump me girls! jump me!" stuff quite amusing
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I don't have writer's block but this was so simple I decided to answer. I would go to Germany and *sorry Addy* I'd take my mom.
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okay let's see how fast i can make this before it's considered way rude to my host and hostess....so i was in the Gernoble mall today and for most of it i was in the security office while two cute funny guards tried for like an hour to get my money changed from american dollars to Euros. i hella saw three guys shoplift a shirt from in there and i guess as soon as you leave the mall you're pretty much free to go. i also figured out where all the cameras were so i'm basically prepared to like hella rob the mall but those guards were so nice and i'd hqte to have them pissed off at me haha. one didn't speak english and at one point he was like"vive le France!" b/c of the way some people were talking back to him. haha it was great. so watch out i have buddies in law enforcm,ent in France haha. oh and the other nightwe went to an Italian resturaunt...yeah yeah French Italian haha anyways extremely long short short,i basically insulted the chefs life work by asking for tomato sauce to put on my calzone. the way he looked at ,e was like i was in a jewish estazblish,ent and had yelled out Heil Hitler! i seriously thought he might kick me out but after dessert and all that he and his wife said i was wicked cute and i should meet their son but i couldn't that night b/c he was at rugby practice. i think the moral of the story is i can do anything i want and you still want me in your family haha there's tons more but i have to go so ciao!
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okay so im in France right now being flustered by the keyboard since its set up for French..I have no problem with it but the keys are in the wrong place haha..anyways ive discovered how much i really like shopping and its so beyond cool over here..i cant wait to see al the other places im going (=
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So I'm leaving around lunch tomorrow to go to my hotel that i'm staying in overnight before my flight to France :) I'm so beyond excited. so, so excited haha. Sorry about getting all vapid in my excitement but I haven't gone out of the country since I was 8 and I haven't been to most of theplaces I'm going this time around so I'm crazy insanely excited and redundant haha. Anyway...I don't really know. I'm just waiting for Lords of Dogtown to come on tv and I thought I'd check my myspace and lj and all that fun stuff. Excited :):):):)
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It's weird, last night I had a dream about a friend's ex. It was rather disturbing because I've never gotten along with him. He's always basically made me want to upchuck. In my dream though he was flirting with me and I was reciprocating equally. I remember that at one point my friend and I went swimming with him and a few other people but he singled me out and wouldn't talk to anyone else. When I woke up I felt slightly nausous from it all. I have absolutely no desire to ever talk to him again much less enjoy talking to him on a regular basis. Looking at it from an analytical perspective I have no idea why I would have dreamed about him as I did. I haven't heard from him in several months, haven't seen him for even longer yet out of the blue I have that dream about him. I'm not really sure what to think about it. On one hand I feel like I'm hiding it from my friend which could explain a lot...I hate when I think faster than I type..which is pretty much always but whatever. I'm not sure why I had the dream now, like in this particular stretch of time but I think I had it b/c I felt guilty about when he was dating my friend because he'd hit on me when she wasn't around or flirt with me when she wasn't paying attention and I didn't tell her about all the times he cheated on her. He didn't cheat on her with me though. I always told him to back the hell off but I never told her about it, I think she was actually in love with him for a while and I felt like she should be happy for at least a while. It seemed like if I had mentioned his infedelities she would have accused me of being jealous and not wanting to see them happy or together or whatever. I can't believe how manipulative he was sometimes. I think sometimes I might have even envyed how he had her and her family totally wrapped around his finger. She'd never admit to it but he had her twisted around backwards. That's the one time I'd ever seen her submit at all. Most of his ploys made me see how stupid some people are. Making me marvel at how simple people can be. I'm still not sure how people could have fallen for his shit but every once in a while..he had some really good moments. I can even admit he bested me a few times. Only one that more people than just he and I knew about but somehow he managed to get me not to tell anyone just what an asshole he was so I guess more than a few. The bastard was good. I could see if I had any "professional" envy towards him on the whole manipulating front but other than that..he was just such an unsavory person...that I've talked way too much about today but the whole dream thing really throws me off. I've got to explore this more at a later date. On the travelling portion of my life..I LEAVE IN 5 DAYS. I'm practically shaking I'm so excited. I'm even smiling haha and it takes a lot to get me to actually smile about something for more than a second. Usually I smile to appease people around me so they don't ask if something's wrong since I'm so introverted about my feelings I usually have kind of a blank face, but for this I'm actually grinning for myself. I just can't wait
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Today was sort of interesting...due to being loopy from sleep deprivation I figured out I'd snort coke before smoking anything. So apparently in the subconscious recesses of my mind coke is my drug of choice even though I've never even smoked pot so I have absolutely nothing to compare coke with...besides my old problem with sleeping pills. Also in this course of babbling I've figured out I could never be bulimic because I detest throwing up but I don't have the will power to become anorexic. *an hour later* I gotta stop talking to my best guy friend this late. I've always been able to be almost completely honest with him. Which sounds horrible but as much of a theatre freak I am I'm a really reserved person. Yeah I can be the loudest person you know at times but when we seperate you'll realize you still know nothing about me even though we've been talking for 12 straight hours. I'm pretty much the master of directing the conversation away from myself when I want/need to. But anyways as I'm talking to him about sleeping pills *i'm a horrible insomniac* I realize that I used to seriousy abuse sleeping pills. When I first tried taking anti-depressants when I was..16 I think, I was also prescribed sleeping pills to offset the insomnia side effects. I remember my doctor telling me most people split that particular type of pill into quarters since it's so strong and she'd advise me to take half a pill a night or split it into quarters if I need to. I might have split in half the first night. For the rest of the week I'd take a whole pill to see if it needed to build up in my system or whatever. After that I said screw it and would take probably around 6-8 pills a night. I remember one night being so tired but not actually being able to close my eyes...After a couple hours or staring into darkness I remember taking 12 pills. Most people couldn't handle more than half a pill and there I was taking 12. I think I should have died that night. All I remember thinking after that is how much those pills didn't work for me and if I could take anymore without running out before I could get them refilled. I didn't know till probably a year ago that most people would have slipped into a coma after taking 6 of those. And that's the least amount I would take each night and half of what I took that one night. I'm not quite sure what made me remember about old sleeping pill issues but it's weird you know? I could not be here right now. All the thoughts I've had in the last two years, the people I've talked to, that I've helped or who have helped me. None of that would have happened. Self reflections seem to get slightly philosophical when I'm this loopy. This is only probably a third of what's going on in my mind and probably not the most articulate third but it's the best I can do at 4:40 in the morning
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I'm so flippen excited I can barely sit still, let alone sleep. A week from today I will be boarding my plane to go to France. I haven't been to Europe since I was eight and I haven't been to France since I was an infant. It's going to be so amazing. I'm going to a few places in France, and I'll be traveling to Barcelona for a week. I'm also going to back to my birthplace :) so I'll be in Augsburg, Germany for a while. I think London and Amsterdam are also on my itinerary. From what I know so far I should be at each place for about a week and I'm going to be there for two months. The only thing I'm sad about is I think I'm going to miss Halloween b/c I keep hearing that they don't celebrate it over there and I'm one of those people who's gonna keep dressing up till I'm dead. I think it's a theatre thing haha. Live with theatre and dance as long as I have and you never miss a chance to wear fun costumes. Well besides my trip, I've learned how to play Hand and Foot this weekend which is a pretty fun card game..it's almost like competitive freecell. Or at least that's how I look at it and I can have pretty misconstrued ways of looking at things at times haha. I like to call it....I don't know I'm getting loopy from lack of sleep and too much sleep at the same time so I'll say g'night with this final OMG I CAN'T WAIT! :) haha au revoir
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awake
flirty
blah
cynical
bored
confused
contemplative
enthralled